Mr Unavailable - A guide to avoiding emotionally, physically and spiritually unavailable men

Update! This blog is no longer being updated so please go to Baggage Reclaim!

Even though this blog still gets a lot of visitors, you may have noticed that I haven't updated for a while as I have been expanding Baggage Reclaim.

I have taken the decision to leave this blog up as there are a lot of comments but I will be finding a way to merge it into the main blog Baggage Reclaim. It is now update every weekday and there have been LOTs of posts about Mr Unavailable's as well as a Thirty Days of Drama Reduction series.

You can also find out more information about the ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl.

Download your free copy of NML's Guide to....the No Contact Rule

Hello peeps! Hope you all enjoyed your Easter weekend!

I have put together the best of my posts on the No Contact Rule so that you have them all together in one handy little manual and you can download it for free right now!

"NML's Guide to....the No Contact Rule" is your no holds barred guide to telling that guy to take a run and jump without actually having to utter the words!

Learn how to break up with men that don’t want to break and let you go so that you can live a better life and be a person with higher self-esteem. This is the quick guide to avoiding being a Fallback Girl, that woman that Mr Unavailable relies or ‘falls back’ on to massage his ego and pander to his needs whilst contributing little or nothing.

By the time you finish this ebook you will understand how to cut contact and why this technique is needed. But remember, you need to accept that it is going to hurt for a while but it will pass. Stop fearing the pain!

Go and download now!

I hope you enjoy!

Take care

NML

Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl Ebook Available To Buy

Just over two and a half years ago I stumbled across the realisation that not only did I love Mr Unavailable's (emotionally unavailable men) but that I was a commitment-phobe that was sabotaging all of my relationships, unbeknowst to me. I started sharing my insights here and at Baggage Reclaim , and I am still astounded by the number of women that are just like me.

Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl Part One is finally ready to buy. It's my guide to emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them. I am empowering women to get smart about their faux relationships with these men and gain real positive change so that they can find personal happiness, which in turn, will lead to better relationship opportunities. This is not about trying to change him (most of us have realised that it's nigh on impossible) and instead find out how and why Mr Unavailable behaves as he does so that you know how to read the signs and get the hell out.

This is the start of embarking on path of building your self esteem so that you can get happy and open yourself up to the prospect of a healthy relationship. Find out the types of situations that you can be drawn into by these men, get a list of his many signs of emotional unavailability, learn about how he manages down your expectations with The Status Quo through blowing hot and cold and how these men pull the whole 'This one time in bandcamp' thing where they trot out the same lame excuses so that  we feel sympathetic to their 'plight' and don't ask for too much. Discover how Mr Unavailable relegates you to 'accidental' booty calls or friends with benefits and why the relationship with this man is doomed. This is just the beginning...
It is £5 which is roughly $9.83 although it will tell you when you go through to checkout!

Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl Part One Launching and Competition

It gives me great pleasure to announce that this Thursday I will be launching my first ever ebook! I know that it has taken much longer than I anticipated but I have taken the decision to publish the book as an ebook trilogy in order to stop the wait! Thank you to all of you have been patient and the hundreds who registered by email!

What is it about? Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl is my guide to emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them. I am empowering women to get smart about their faux relationships with these men and gain real positive change so that they can find personal happiness, which in turn, will lead to better relationship opportunities. Book One focuses on helping you understand who Mr Unavailable is, how he operates, what makes him tick, the types of situations you can find yourself in with him, why he is dangerous, and most importantly, how to spot and avoid him. It also gives an initial background to the Fallback Girl, emotional unavailability in general, and commitment-phobia.

Mr Unavailable Book Update

Well it's taken longer than I thought I would but I am in the final stretch and will be announcing how to buy it etc at the end of this month. The subject of emotional unavailability turned out to be an even bigger subject and I'm very excited about having all the info together in one book.

If you would like to contribute a comment or story, please email me.

It's coming soon! I can't believe it and thanks to everyone who continues to visit this site and Baggage Reclaim!

What's happening on Baggage Reclaim

Over at The Mr Unavailable Guide's sister site Baggage Reclaim, there have been a lot of questions from readers about coping with real life situations with their Mr Unavailable/EUM.

Advice: Why is he having sex with me if he doesn't want me and knows how I feel about him?

"I met a man who is the cousin of a good friend in June of 2007 and have been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since.  I have totally fallen for him to the point of obsessing.
In the beginning, he was so attentive and sweet; shortly after the relationship became sexual, he changed, although he kept on saying the 'right' things; "I'm tired of being a boy toy, I want to be in a commited relationship, I'm tired of being single; I'm tired of 'playing games".

From the outset of us meeting, he mentioned his ex-girlfriend, who also happens to be the mother of his first child.  (He has two children by two different women.)  He told me that he has been single for nine years; that is when he and his ex-girlfriend broke up.  As I got to know him more, I noticed that whenever he would drink (he also has a drinking problem), he would always mention his ex. He says that she kicked him out of the apartment, (he had been cheating on her), and when she broke up with him, she broke his heart and he hasn't been the same since.
Read the rest of this post

Advice: Does polygamy work, because I love three women?

"I'm a 35 year-old journalist from Brazil and I've been dating a 22 year-old girl for three years now (she was 18 when we met). To make a long story short: after six months of dating, she stopped having sex with me. She says she hates her body (she is a little bit overweight, but I never minded that.) But I sayed with her and was faithful to her for two years, because I loved her.

Then she left me, claiming she was too young when she met me and she had to live and have experiences and so forth. We spent six months apart. During this period I dated two girls, and we hit it off pretty well, but when my ex wrote asking me to take her back, I took her back. I stopped seeing the other two girls and I tried to forget them.

But here's the thing, I can't forget them. After I went back to my girlfriend I realised I was in love with the other two girls - as well as with my girlfriend. I know this sounds ludicrous, like a man who doesn't know what love is, but I know I love the three of them. And the other two girls wrote to me to say they can't forget me, that they want me back.

Read the rest of this post

Advice: How do I let go of my Mr Unavailable?

Ashley broke away from her Mr Unavailable a few months ago and started to date again, however she has found that she has been really missing him whilst she is on dates and thinking about past relationships where there was "real chemistry, attraction and fun".

Her Mr Unavailable works in the same company, has two kids (16 and 18) and used to tell her that he loved her but that he didn't want to waste her time because he knew that she wanted more than he could give. He was telling her all of this whilst he was still contacting his ex girlfriend and he sent text messages to the ex the week after he broke up with Ashley also claiming that he loved her too.

Recently she went to the bar where she knows he hangs (he tends to hang out in the bar, alone, texting and emailing…) and he was happy to see her. The attraction was still strong between them and for the last half hour they were holding hands.

"I did tell him I missed him. He said "How could you miss me after how I treated you?" I said it was complicated and at the end of the day I clarified that what I missed were the good times. I was hoping that maybe he missed me enough to think that having a healthy, real relationship with me might not be so bad. But - he still is not interested in it.

Read the rest of this post.

Advice: Does tragedy or trauma attract emotionlly unavailable men?

Traci asks "I feel like I fell for an emotionally unavailable guy mostly because I was dealing with a tragedy and was more vulnerable than usual. I attached myself to someone I had only begun dating who ended up being an emotional unavailable guy (I got one good cry on the shoulder experience and then very little after that). Does this play a role in my willingness to accept the crumbs he gave (mostly in the form of the occasional text message, visit and sex session)? Was my EUM experience prompted out of desperation for a false sense of security and comfort during a very isolated, lonely time? I always knew that his behavior and his circumstances made him unacceptable for boyfriend material but yet I held onto him just because I don't know- he was there? Maybe its an excuse, but because I've ended things with him and had never been in an emotionally unavailable man situation before I'm more apt to think it was just an exceptional case and not a routine or indication of something deeper in terms of my outlook on men, love and relationships.  I am being extra aware thorough and assessing my own traits and patterns now.   I know that I'm not ready to look for love again and I need to re-gain my sense of self that I was before the EUM and before this tragic situation.  Until then, I know it’s not fair to place unrealistic expectations on anyone I would meet in the near future.  FYI: The tragedy was not of a romantic nature; I was dealing with a turbulent family situation that left me in shambles."

Read my response over at Baggage Reclaim

My new eBook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is now available to buy as an instant download. Find out more.
 

Vote for Baggage Reclaim!

Hi Ladies,

I have just found out by accident that the sister blog to this one, Baggage Reclaim has been shortlisted for best UK blog in The 2007 Weblog Awards! Thank you to those that nominated - now I need you all to vote, vote, each day till November 8th! I haven't got much time and I have to make up for a hell of a lot of lost ground!

Vote, vote, vote!
Thanks NML

Update On The Book

Hello! So it's been a few months since I said I was doing a book about emotionally unavailable men and the women who date them. I am pleased to say that I am in the home stretch. I had envisioned finishing the book in the summer but a new baby killed off that plan! Thanks to everyone who has signed up for the updates about the book which will be starting next month and to everyone who continues to read this blog, post comments, and send so many emails.

I will be including reader comments and stories, and if you would like to contact me about being included (obviously I won't put your real name in!), please use the email link on the sidebar.

As always I am here to respond to problems by email also.

Baggage Reclaim is still being posted to regularly. The most recent posts about emotional unavailability are:

Advice: He had his dating profile active and we're in a relationship
Don't look for happiness with a man
Why do men blow hot and cold?
When should a woman have sex with a man?
I can change him syndrome: Fixer Uppers
The way he makes you feel
Epiphany relationships
Boomerang relationships and the Yo-Yo Girl

What's Happening

The book is progressing and whilst I'm not putting new posts on this blog, there's still plenty happening on its sister sites.

Over at Baggage Reclaim...
The No Contact Rule
When He's Bad in Bed
Women Who Don't Leave
When Your Ex Starts Dating First
So You're Ready to Live Together
Getting on The Path to Self Love
Does Emotionally Unavailable Equal He's Not That Into You?
Real Life: I married a Serial Cheater
The 2007 A-Z of Men
Saying I Love You First

Also check out my personal blog Tired of Men and other things that drive a twenty-something round the twist, plus I talk about babies and baby products now at When a Womans Up The Duff and Bambino Goodies.